Women & Romance (A Guide)

[Audihead]

In the world of romance, ONLY one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return
with
Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what
looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

[Mr Balsen]

You can add the following:

Buy a diamonds ring (+0.5)

Tell your wife you are going to spend the week end on a track (-500)

Tell your wife you are going to spend the week end on a track with your friend (- 1000)

Tell your wife you are going to spend the week end on a track with your friend and you are leaving on friday evening because it is more convenient (- 5000)

Watch Formula 1 on TV (-500)

but the worst ever:

Forgot the wedding anniversary (- 1 trillion) ! ! !

I happen to me once....

Cheers,
Frederic

[Benman]

:applause: :applause:

Great find.:thumb:

Ben:addict:

[Leadfoot]

In the world of romance, ONLY one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

I tell the wife to check it out because with the curlers in and the face mask, she would scare the sh@t out of any burglar. (-1000)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita has silicon implants (-80)

I stay by the wife but comment on how good that girls silicon implants look. (-1000)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colours of your favourite team (-10)

Get a Pizza delivered and we hire a video. (-1000)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

Tell her to stop wearing your baggy jeans and Hawaiian shirt because she's stretching them. (-100,000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

Reply yes, but you are now easier to find in a crowd. (-1,000,000)

My ideas are in bold.

Now I understand why I'm not getting any.:cry:

[Lateknight]

:D Excellent :D

[Benman]

Originally posted by Leadfoot

My ideas are in bold.

Now I understand why I'm not getting any.:cry: :applause: :applause: