Things said in court

[Erik]

The following are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now

published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these

exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
__________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _____________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I. Doris?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
A: He's twenty
_____________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________

AND TO SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST!!!!!!

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

[Benman]

Originally posted by Erik

AND TO SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST!!!!!!

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: Oh my goodness, these people are IDIOTS! A person who did not even attend high school (LET ALONE TAKEN THE BAR EXAM) could have done better than these lawers!

A REALLY scarey thought. Most Judges ARE lawers who can't cut it in the real world. So its safe to say some of these bozos will be future Judges!:bigeyes:

Ben:addict:

[jonas_dg]

hilarious :hihi:

[Audihead]

:D

[mr]

always great to read!!! (have known them before ... but ... as said ... but still funny)

[JavierNuvolari]

WAJAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! this is one of the bes post I've seen so far...jajajjaja i'm still laughing mi a** off....:applause:

[bludnik]

Originally posted by Benman
Most Judges ARE lawers who can't cut it in the real world

oh come on! you're not gonna say that security guards are cops who couldnt make it ey? the same for bouncers and parking attendants...

or critics are musicians who couldnt make it or chefs who couldnt make it...

sorry man, no offence to you... i just dont like generalizations... :vgrumpy:

[Benman]

Originally posted by bludnik
sorry man, no offence to you... i just dont like generalizations... :vgrumpy:
Didn't mean to generalize but its true.

Think about it. If a lawer were truely good at what he does (i.e. made mucho deniro) why would he become a Judge? To help his fellow man?:vhmmm: Hardly, they become a Judge for the simple fact that he's garanteed a set pay check not matter how much he stinks (it is a sad FACT that City or State officials are NOT as efficient as freemarket workers in their equivalent job posistions, take the Post Office for example). Great lawers DO NOT become Judges, they start their own law firms.

Same with Economic "Forcasters". They are wannabe Entrepreneurs. Again, think about it. If they were truely that good at "forcasting", then they would be out there making tons of $$$. Instead, it is the FACT that since they are only ok at what they do, they have discovered they will make more $$$ charging others for their "services" rather than using their supposed skills to become a risk taking entrepreneur.

Also, I don't mean to say that Judges are bad or anything, just not exceptional lawers. Some are very nice and knowledgeable, just not good enough to be great lawers and therefor would rather have the safety of a set paycheck than take a chance of not cutting it in the real world where it's sink or swim.

And YES, Critics ARE those individuals who couldn't cut it in the real world. I am NOT saying that their services are not appreciated in the real world (because I DO enjoy reading car mags, restaurant reviews, etc..) but again, think about it. If a restaurant critic, really knew what good food was about, and he really knew how it was supposed to be prepared, than why not start his OWN restaraunt? Or why not Car magazin writer's become REAL race car drivers instead of just writing about it?Maybe becuase he's scared of the risk? Or maybe, just maybe, they are NOT good enough. It is much easier to critize someone's Music, Cooking, Sports playing, car driving, etc... than to take the chance and DO IT YOURSELF. It's amazing that entrepreneurs are made out to be "greedy", but yet critics are praised. Without entrepreneurs, the critics would have NO JOBS AT ALL!:D

Ben:addict: