My car is apparently quite a hot mess!
After a day of diagnosis, guess what they came up with- the fuel filter was almost completely clogged. Yay!
Hey, wait a minute, why is my fuel filter clogged? I just changed it a year or 2 ago (certainly less than 35k miles that I believe Audi recommends), my gas tank was replaced a couple years ago when the roll-over valve was leaking, and I almost never run on fumes...
I asked them to give me the old fuel filter- I want to crack it open and see what's clogging it. I guess I'll see what I'll see. I can't remember ever seeing any particulate matter in the ACES IV, either.
What are the odds that I had 3 different things wrong with my car at the same time? I hit almost all the major internal combustion engine food groups-- Air, fuel, just missing spark.
I 'm hoping that that actually solves the problem once and for all. I get the car back tomorrow morning.