Basic Rules for driving in Washington D.C. (funny)

** Basic Rules for driving in Washington D.C. **

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. *A real D.C. driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, If you do the space will be filled by somebody else who will flip you off.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange and white barricades.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the Washington D.C. area during rush hour.
10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Washington D.C. driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
11. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Washington D.C.
12. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
13. Learn to swerve abruptly. Washington D.C. is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the VDOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
14. It is traditional in Washington D.C. to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
15. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
16. Remember that the goal of every Washington D.C. driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
17. Real Washington D.C. female drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
18. Real Washington D.C. male drivers can remove their girlfriend's panties and bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
19. In the Washington D.C. area flipping someone the bird is considered a D.C. salute. This gesture should always be returned.
20. Never pay attention to a "Yield" sign. It is the responsibility of those who are already in the lane to watch for you and anticipate you gunning into traffic.
21. If you are a recent immigrant to the United States, You are allowed to drive wherever and however you please. We're just so damn happy to have you here, we'll be willing to stay out of your way!
22. If you come upon a car signaling for a left turn on a one-lane road. Instead of driving around the stopped car drive up real fast and then break just inches from their bumper. Honk. Flip them off. Make a big production out of having to drive around them. Flip them off one more time for good measure.

:hihi: :D :cheers: