How to Get Into Any Club
http://www.5min.com/Video/How-to-Get...-Club-14234755
Printable View
How to Get Into Any Club
http://www.5min.com/Video/How-to-Get...-Club-14234755
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast
implant that can store and play music. The iTit
will cost from £499 to £699, depending on cup and
speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough,
because women are always complaining about men
staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
A BOTTLE OF MERLOT
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually
attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there.' and indicated the sender with a
nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the
man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note..
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note
from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in
return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed
him to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I
have a Ferrari Maranello, AUDI RS6, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo
in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and
a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million
dollars in my bank account and portfolio.. But, not even for a woman
as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the
bottle back.'
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7E1cfr1Dqu8&hl=de&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7E1cfr1Dqu8&hl=de&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
gosh :doh: :D:D:D:D:D... I still have tears in my eyes :applause:
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, & the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband: "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
Two good ole boys down in Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer...
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If' I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head,and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."
:applause:
No fake sadness here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLJiIa2EsbQ&eurl
How to win in NASCAR
http://www.theonion.com/content/vide...rce=EMTF_Onion
Pics taken at just the right moment
http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&th=697
Two couples decide to swap partners at a swingers party. After 3 hours of animalistic sex Paddy says "That was the best sex I have ever had in my entire life!", "I wonder how the girls are getting on?" :hihi:
The Reverend John Bush was the pastor in a small town in Australia. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a bar drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy!
He walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman. "Miss Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance
and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over and said, "Oy mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar."
The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Bush."
The landlord nodded and said, "Ah well, if you're that far in, ye might as well finish."